Would I be sinful if I refused to let my sister use my personal items, knowing that she has her own and does not take care of things, and would I then be considered among those who withhold small kindnesses (ma'un)?
There is no sin in refusing to lend a laptop, nor is this considered withholding "al-ma'un" (small acts of kindness/household necessities) which the has warned against.
Scholars have stated that what is obligatory to lend, and for which one sins by withholding, is something that the borrower is compelled to use, or needs urgently. The majority of scholars hold that "al-ma'un" which Allah warns against withholding in Surat Al-Ma'un refers to the obligatory . Some others said it refers to lending household items that people commonly exchange among themselves.
As for lending copies of the Qur'an (Masahif) and scholarly books that people need, it may become obligatory if the salvation of an innocent person depends on it, or if it is essential for the borrower, provided that the lender is not harmed.
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