What are the legitimate (Shar'i) ways to search for a wife, and how can one overcome the difficulty of choosing and the feeling that a girl is like a sister despite having sexual desire, along with the wish to marry without any psychological inclination towards any particular girl?
A wife is chosen by inquiring about her from trustworthy people such as relatives, neighbors, and female friends. The correct criterion for choosing a wife is religious devotion, based on the Prophet's (peace be upon him) saying: "A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, and for her religious devotion. So, choose the one who is religiously devoted, and you will prosper." This does not mean rejecting beauty, lineage, or wealth; rather, the intention is that these matters should not be prioritized over religious devotion and character. Furthermore, it is not a condition for there to be a strong emotional love between the suitor and the fiancée; rather, what matters is mutual acceptance between them. We advise you to seek Allah's guidance through the Istikhara prayer.
Summarized from the full answer at Ftawy · reviewed Sep 2, 2026
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