Is striving to improve one's religious commitment for the purpose of marrying a committed girl, out of fear of her rejection, considered hypocrisy, especially with conditions like memorizing parts of the Quran?

If the outward display of righteous deeds is accompanied by sincerity of heart, then it is not considered hypocrisy, and there is no objection to the intention of marriage being a secondary consideration. However, if the outward display is not rooted in sincerity and devotion, then it is a form of hypocrisy and involves deceit and deception. It is incumbent upon the Muslim to rectify their inner self and to be sincere towards their Lord.