Is it permissible to say "By my father and my mother" to someone other than the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace?
The majority of scholars are of the opinion that it is permissible to offer one's parents as ransom (tafdiya) for someone, citing the hadith of Ali ibn Abi Talib in the two Sahih collections, that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to Sa'd on the Day of Uhud: "Shoot, Sa'd, may my father and mother be ransomed for you," and his saying to Az-Zubayr: "May my father and mother be ransomed for you."
Imam Al-Nawawi clarified that this expression does not signify actual ransom, but rather it is a form of affectionate speech and a declaration of love and high regard, and that authentic hadiths have come down indicating its absolute permissibility.
The Companions and their Successors used this expression among themselves, such as Abu Bakr Al-Siddiq's saying to Talha on the Day of Uhud: "Be Talha, may my father and mother be ransomed for you."
Scholars have absolutely permitted this for anyone who wishes to show respect or seek to win over a person, and there is no difference between saying "bi-abi wa ummi" (by my father and mother) and "fidaka abi wa ummi" (may my father and mother be ransomed for you).
Summarized from the full answer at Ftawy · reviewed Sep 2, 2026
Read the full answer on Ftawyhttps://ftawy.com/en/questions/62529