Does a man's statement to his wife, "It's either me or your family," with the intention of threatening divorce, constitute a divorce? Is it a condition for the validity of divorce that his intention be firm without doubt? Is it necessary for the wife's intention to also be an intention of divorce in her choice for the divorce to occur? And is it considered a revocable divorce?
According to the majority of scholars, giving the wife the choice between divorce and remaining married is a metaphorical (kinayah) divorce, which does not take effect unless the husband intends it. If the husband merely intended to threaten, then nothing is binding upon him.
If the husband intended to give the wife the choice between divorce and remaining married, and the wife, by choosing her family, intended divorce, then the divorce takes effect. If neither of them intended divorce, then it does not take effect.
Summarized from the full answer at Ftawy · reviewed Sep 2, 2026
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