Is it permissible for my wife to retract her donation to the youth center and redirect it to the Islamic school, after she intended to donate to the school but thought the donee was the school, and was I wrong to refuse to deliver the check to the youth center?

The school is more deserving of the charity due to the donor's intention and because it is the primary choice. However, giving it to the club is permissible, and she will be rewarded for it. It has been authentically reported from the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that a person will receive what they intended for their charity. The act of spending [in charity] and sponsoring those in need is a praiseworthy deed for which one will be rewarded. It is better for the husband to deliver the check on behalf of his wife, and it is better for the wife to consult him.