How can one overcome a deep inner conflict between strict religious commitment and personal desires and realistic challenges, and how can these aspects be reconciled without feeling lost or resentful of oneself and of religion?

The abominable acts that occurred were due to the Devil's machinations, and you must offer sincere repentance, for Allah accepts the repentance of those who repent, and do not despair of His mercy. Do not grieve over the marriage you missed, for Allah has averted evil from you. Seek out a woman of religious commitment and strive for chastity and lowering your gaze. What you imagine—that religion is useless for building a civilized society—is from the whisperings of the Devil. Indeed, Islam is the foundation of civilization, and satanic thoughts will not harm you if you repel them, but do not let them settle in your heart. You must repent for invalidating your fast by masturbating and looking at women during the day in Ramadan, and you must make up that day. Beware of declaring others disbelievers and accusing them, for "whoever says, 'The people are ruined,' he is the most ruined among them." Do not take on debt to give charity, for debt is a serious matter. Finally, be content and pleased with a woman who performs her obligatory duties, avoids prohibitions, and possesses a degree of beauty, for she is goodness and blessing.