How can one be patient with the shock of a daughter marrying a married man without her mother's knowledge or consent, after she rejected her advice and turned to her father?

If the matter has occurred, then there is no escaping patience with it, by restraining oneself from expressing discontent with Allah's decree, both verbally and actively, while knowing that this is predetermined by Allah. Patience helps in achieving faith, as 'Ubadah ibn al-Samit said to his son: "O my son, you will not taste the reality of faith until you know that what befell you was not to miss you, and what missed you was not to befall you." Therefore, discontent is of no benefit. It is better to pray for your daughter's happiness in her marriage, to find excuses for her, and not to exaggerate the matter.