Is touching the vulva to the vulva without penetration considered fornication, and does it result in the loss of virginity? And what is the wisdom behind knowing this years later? And is the father being punished because of this sin?

The adultery that necessitates the prescribed punishment (حدّ) is the insertion of the penis into the vagina that is not permissible. What occurred did not reach the point of insertion, so it is not considered adultery necessitating the prescribed punishment. Rather, it falls under figurative adultery (الزنى المجازي), which is a reprehensible sin. One must earnestly strive to achieve sincere repentance and turn to Allah, and diligently perform good deeds, for Allah’s decree is good, and "the one who repents from sin is like one who has no sin." One must have a good opinion of Allah and abandon doubts and illusions, and ask Allah for a righteous spouse.