What is the religious ruling and how can one find salvation who was subjected to rape in childhood and still yearns for it despite struggling with oneself and adhering to religious obligations?

Practicing indecency is an obliterator of manliness, an instigator of dullness, a cause of mental distraction and the appearance of diseases, and a scandal and destruction of life in this world, and a calamity for its perpetrator in the Hereafter. One must fight his soul that incites evil, and stay away from gatherings of people of immorality and debauchery.