Is it permissible to boycott a mother who is unjust, discriminates between her children, mistreats them, reveals her son's secrets, and spies on him? Will one be held accountable for quarreling with her if words slip out unintentionally? And does the noble verse: "So do not say to them, 'uff,' and do not repel them" pertain only to good treatment?
If a mother is oppressive and deceitful, this does not negate her right to dutifulness (birr), nor does it permit speaking ill of her or using harsh words against her. Rather, it is obligatory to be dutiful to her and obey her in what is right. However, if she commands (associating partners with Allah), it is not permissible to obey her in that, while still continuing to be dutiful to her and keeping her company with kindness. One should counter evil with good to foster affection. If an unintentional slip of the tongue occurs due to anger, we hope that Allah will not hold righteous individuals accountable for it, especially those who intend to be dutiful. Abandoning one's mother is not permissible.
Summary from Ftawy's records · added here
Reviewed by El Fatwa's sharia committee.
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