How is it possible to reconcile the permissibility of kissing, shaking hands with, and looking at an unarmed youth with affection, and the impermissibility of doing so with lust, given the confusion I experience when dealing with them, especially after getting accustomed to it with some of them before I learned of the prohibition, and with relatives among them? Is it permissible to kiss an unarmed youth with lust while being safe from temptation, and how can one kiss him without lust?

It is permissible to kiss an amrad (beardless youth) if he is not beautiful and not desired, and if the kiss is for farewell or compassion without lust. However, if he is beautiful and desired, he is treated like women, and it is forbidden to kiss him with the intention of pleasure.

As for looking at or kissing with doubt about lust, the preponderant opinion is that it is impermissible. Indeed, looking at an amrad falls into three categories: It is unanimously forbidden if accompanied by lust; it is permissible if it is certain that no lust exists; and the third category is looking without lust but with the fear of its arousal, in which case there are two opinions, and the soundest is that it is impermissible.

If lust is present when kissing a son, brother, or any other relative or stranger, then it is forbidden.

As for loving an amrad without lust, it is conceivable if it is for the sake of Allah and devoid of lust.