Is a son considered disobedient to his mother if she mistreats him and rejects his independence, while he is kind and dutiful to her?

You must treat your mother kindly and be dutiful to her, for Allah Almighty says: "And We have enjoined upon man [care and] kindness to his parents," and the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Stay with her, for Paradise is under her feet." You must respond to her ill-treatment with kindness. As for her desire to know your private affairs or to prevent you from visiting your wife's family, you are not obligated to inform her or fulfill her desire if doing so does not result in neglecting any of her rights. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami said: "If the child's maturity is established, the father does not have the right to prevent him from pursuing what benefits him in matters of religion and worldly affairs." You should deal with your mother gently and kindly, and avoid everything that displeases her.