Did divorce occur with the statement: "If you enter into defiance with her again, then that is separation," and what is the ruling on the quarrel and reconciliation that happened afterwards?

Divorce does not occur with doubt, because the original state is the continuation of the marriage. The certainty of the marriage is not removed by the doubt of divorce. As long as you are not certain about conditioning the divorce on the quarrel, then there is no significance to that. You should not use divorce pronouncements for threatening. Rather, you should strive to resolve disagreements with wisdom, gentleness, and kind words.