What should a married man do who is suffering from a change in his wife’s treatment of him after childbirth, her neglect of the home and their daughter, and her stinginess despite her working, while her family supports her in this and has assaulted him, all while the marital life continues and he is unable to divorce her? And is his spending on her considered charity (sadaqah) or Zakat al-Mal?

A wife's disobedience to her husband in what is right and proper is an act of defiance (nushooz) and sin. If she leaves for work without his permission and incites her family against him, this is the utmost degree of defiance. The husband is advised to be firm and follow the steps prescribed by Islamic law for addressing defiance. If these steps do not yield results, he may divorce or choose to be patient and work towards reconciliation. The wife is not obligated to spend on herself or her daughter; financial support (nafaqah (definition)) is incumbent upon the husband, even if the wife is wealthy. Her money is her own property, and she is free to dispose of it as she wishes. A man is rewarded for what he spends on his family. It is not permissible to count this spending as zakat (definition), nor is it permissible for him to give zakat from his wealth to those whose financial support is his responsibility. It is good for a mother to give a gift to her daughter, though it is not obligatory. It must be noted that celebrating birthdays is not permissible.