Is divorcing the first wife—whom the questioner believes he has wronged emotionally and in his treatment of her, and whom he no longer desires—the optimal solution despite her refusal, or should the marriage nominally continue while he retains his feeling of injustice and fear of accountability?

It is not permissible to abandon one's wife if she is good and loving. Rather, one should keep her and treat her kindly. If a man dislikes something about her, he should remember the saying of Allah the Almighty: "But perhaps you hate a thing and Allah makes therein much good." And the saying of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him: "A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another." If a man is unable to treat her well, and she agrees to waive some of her rights, there is no harm in that.